Tag: god

The God-Bound Adventurer

September 19, 2017

I want to be free. I don’t know why. I want to leave here, but I have wanted that before and I have done so before and now I am someplace else and I still want to leave, I don’t know where. I imagine there’s something wrong with me. One cannot simply want to leave without reason, to run away and keep running forever. It isn’t natural, it isn’t right. But most of all, it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair that i should never be satisfied where I am. That I should go through my whole life feeling restless and unhappy over my relentless dissatisfaction. But why has god cursed me so? What have i done in my life that merits punishment from the heavens themselves?

But then I begin to wonder whether it is a punishment at all. Perhaps god instilled in me this restlessness as a way of telling me where i ought to be. Or perhaps to show me the things i have yet to lay eyes on. What scheme, or heavenly plan does the father have in store for me and why-why has he chosen me for it!

I lay awake in awe and anxiety each night, praying for an answer to theme questions, until one night I do not and in the dead of night I rise from my bed and dress. And as I arrive at the docs and pay my transport I take a glance back at the realm of common sense and ungodly men and I think them lucky fools. I take my ticket and enter the monster of a ship and i soon find myself on the deck, glancing out on the disappearing city and on the ocean growing thicker and wider, with no idea where I might find myself next.

A World Without Gods

May 2, 2017

What would it look like? A world without gods? Without idols and afterlives? Without creators? Without grand schemes? A world without destiny, without a greater meaning or a plan? What if it was all random? What if it always has been? What if all these things were just excuses so we could blame everyone but ourselves when things go wrong? So that we could look to the sky and scream at the heavens to let them know we’re in pain, because no one else cares. No one else sees it. Maybe that’s why we created god, why we told ourselves that he created us. That there was someone out there, who cares. Who brought us into this world with a plan for how our lives would be. Who took the time with the details, every tiny one. To make us the way we are. Doesn’t that fill your ego to the core?  Doesn’t that comfort you? That some all-knowing being somewhere out there in the universe cared about the idea of you that much. It can save a person, a thought like that. It can make you feel less alone. Like there’s someone there for you when no one else is. Maybe that’s why we created god, to soothe our lonely souls and give us hope.