AM I CRAZY? NO NOT CRAZY. SOMETHING ELSE…AM I A MONSTER? YES THAT’S IT, I AM A MONSTER, A KILLER…MAYBE I SHOULD LET MYSELF DIE, NO, IT WOULDN’T WORK, IVE TRIED BEFORE, I HEAL TO FAST…WHAT IF I DIDN’T? THEN IT WOULD WORK, BUT WOULD I BE FORGIVEN, I HOPE I WILL BE… BUT WOULD MY BROTHER BE, FOR ASSISTING ME? I HOPE HE WILL BE, PLEASE LET HIM BE.
DEMONDS HAVE CLAWS, THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT KILLING…I MUST BE A DEMOND. ITS FUNNY, I THOUGHT ID FEEL GUILT, BUT I DON’T. IT WAS SO EASY AND SO SIMPLE. HE DIDN’T EVEN FIGHT ME, HE THOUGHT I WAS A CHILD…BUT NOW HE’LL NEVER KNOW WHO I REALLY AM, WHAT I REALLY AM.
SHOUL I FEEL GUILTY. I SOMETIMES FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT FEELING GUILTY. MY BROTHER SAYS I SHOUDLNT, HE SAYS HE DESERVED TO DIE.
BUT DID HE? I GUESS ILL NEVER KNOW NOW, NOBODY WILL, EVER. I AM A MOSTER ARENT I? I THINK I AM BUT MY BROHER SAYS THATA MY OPINION ISNT THE ONE THAT MATTERS. I HOPE HE’S RIGHT. I DON’T WANT TO BE A MONSTER BUT IM CONVINCED I AM. NOBODY CAN ADMIT IM NOT ABNORMAL AND NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THAT IM NOT A MONSTER. BECAUSE I AM. I AM A KILLER, I AM A MURDERER. I WISH I COULD FORGET IT ALL, ERASE MY MEMORY, WHY CANT I JUST DIE.
I FEEL CURSED. I HAVE BEEN ABANDONED, HUNTED DOWN AND MY OWN MOTHER TRIED TO KILL ME. BUT WHY? WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED? THERES ONLY ONE PERSON LEFT IN THE WORLD WHO STILL TRULY UNDERSTANDS ME AND ISNT SCARED OF ME; MY BROTHER.
BUT NOT EVEN HE CAN TALK ME OUT OF THE DESIRE TO DIE, TO HURT. THAT IM NOT A MONSTER. BECAUSE I AM. I KNOW I AM.
WHY DID MY DAD HAVE TO DIE? I WISH I HAD DIED INSTEAD.
MY BROTHER ALWAYS GETS ANGRY WHEN I SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, TELLS ME TO BE QUIET. BUT FOR ONCE HE’S WRONG.
HE TELLS ME WE HAVE TO CHANGE OUR NAMES. I HAVE CHOSEN ONE FRON MY FAVORITE BOOK. IT FITS I THINK. SO DOES MY BROTHER. I HOPE HE’S RIGHT. IM VERY PICKY AND IM NOT SURE WEATHER IT’S AS GOOD A FIT AS I THINK.
I PERSONALLY DON’T WANT TO RUN. I WOULD MUCH PREFER TO STAY BEHIND AND GET CAUGHT, BUT MY BROTHER IS PUT OUT ON PROTECTING ME. I WISH HE WOULD LEAVE AND THEN I WOULDN’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT PUTTING HIM IN DANGER. ONE LESS BURDEN.
I HOPE THAT IF I DIE HE WONT BLAME HIMSELF. YOU KNOW ITS FUNNY, I JUST STARTED TO REALIZE IT BUT MY BROTHER IS MUCH LIKE AN ANIMAL WITH HIS CLAWS AND TEATH, HIS AMAZING SENCE OF SMELL AND HEARING. MABEY HE’S LIKE ME…
EVEN IF HE IS I DOUGHT HE TRULY UNDERSTANDS THE HORROR I FEEL WHENEVER I REMEMBER IT. IT WAS SO…EVIL. WHAT I DID WAS EVIL. BUT I HAD TO DO IT BECAUSE HE KILLED FATHER. MY FATHER, MY PAPA. HE WAS NOT TRULY FATHER, HE KILLED MY FATHER. I MUST REMEMBER THAT. MY BROTHER ALWAYS DOES ME SAID CURTACY WHEN HE CATCHES ME STARRING, HE KNOWS I THINK TOO MUCH. WHY AM I CURSED? WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE? WHAT HAD I EVER DONE, MORE LIKE? I MISS PAPA, HE ALWAYS LOOKED OUT FOR ME, LOVED ME. HE WOULDN’T HAVE CARED ABOUT MY ABNORMALITY. WHY CANT I DIE? IT’S SO UNFAIR. SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD DIE EVERY DAY AND I DOUBT ANY OF THEM WANT IT AS MUCH AS I DO NOW. I WONDER SOMETIMES IF I EVER WILL BE ABLE TO DIE AT ALL.
IT’S NOT FAIR IF I CANT. NOT TO ME OR TO ANYONE, EVER. I WONDER WHAT ITS LIKE TO DIE, IF IT’S PAINFULL…OR IF IT’S AS LIBERATING AS I HOPE.
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